1 00:00:00,752 --> 00:00:04,002 Kids, in many of my stories I'm a starry-eyed romantic 2 00:00:04,127 --> 00:00:06,227 on a noble search for true love. 3 00:00:06,469 --> 00:00:07,569 In this one, 4 00:00:07,694 --> 00:00:09,050 I'm just a jerk. 5 00:00:09,339 --> 00:00:11,719 Well, guys, tonight is the night. 6 00:00:12,270 --> 00:00:14,154 I'm invited Tiffany up to my place, 7 00:00:14,279 --> 00:00:16,390 to see my antique camera collection. 8 00:00:16,755 --> 00:00:18,643 - It's Ted's bait. - "Bait"? 9 00:00:18,811 --> 00:00:20,770 A true gentleman invents a pretense 10 00:00:20,895 --> 00:00:23,170 to lure an honorable lady into his apartment. 11 00:00:23,295 --> 00:00:26,343 Some item of interest or beauty you can both pretend to admire 12 00:00:26,468 --> 00:00:29,737 for five minutes before she hops on your disco stick. 13 00:00:29,905 --> 00:00:33,282 Like she's coming up to "borrow a book" or "check out an album on vinyl." 14 00:00:33,450 --> 00:00:35,173 Or to see your new rap poster. 15 00:00:35,298 --> 00:00:37,536 "Rap poster"? Who would that work on? 16 00:00:38,042 --> 00:00:41,499 It was the first week of college. I was really into Wu-Tang Clan. 17 00:00:42,751 --> 00:00:43,967 Yeah, bait is tricky. 18 00:00:44,092 --> 00:00:46,835 It has to be something interesting enough to get the girl upstairs, 19 00:00:46,960 --> 00:00:49,173 but not so interesting that it overpowers the night. 20 00:00:49,564 --> 00:00:51,676 I found that a slot machine was too fun. 21 00:00:55,812 --> 00:00:57,098 And a trampoline... 22 00:00:58,182 --> 00:01:00,232 turned out to be too dangerous. 23 00:01:01,270 --> 00:01:03,470 But then I found the perfect bait: 24 00:01:03,921 --> 00:01:05,718 a teacup pig. 25 00:01:07,853 --> 00:01:09,986 "A teacup pig"? Who's that working on? 26 00:01:10,154 --> 00:01:13,072 - You have a teacup pig?! - Can we see the teacup pig?! 27 00:01:14,269 --> 00:01:17,326 - Can I borrow your teacup pig? - Yes, you can borrow my teacup pig. 28 00:01:17,494 --> 00:01:18,953 You have a teacup pig?! 29 00:01:19,121 --> 00:01:21,591 I can't believe you have a teacup pig! You're just so cute! 30 00:01:21,716 --> 00:01:23,966 Yes, you are the cutest piggy ever! 31 00:01:24,629 --> 00:01:27,002 - What? - Were you always this pretty? 32 00:01:27,394 --> 00:01:30,426 Are you going to give me that whole, "In high school I was really shy 33 00:01:30,551 --> 00:01:33,201 - and awkward line"? - I was shy and awkward. 34 00:01:33,326 --> 00:01:36,303 I was like a hundred pounds heavier and I had these crazy buck teeth. 35 00:01:36,471 --> 00:01:39,407 - Seriously? - No, I've always been hot. 36 00:01:39,739 --> 00:01:41,339 What are you gonna do? 37 00:01:44,014 --> 00:01:46,355 Do you know who else would love this teacup pig? 38 00:01:48,589 --> 00:01:49,608 My boyfriend. 39 00:01:51,778 --> 00:01:53,178 Synchro: Mickeyte 40 00:01:53,303 --> 00:01:56,407 Traduction: Lino & MiniBen314 41 00:01:56,575 --> 00:01:58,175 Relecture: MiniBen314 42 00:01:58,300 --> 00:01:59,535 5x16 - Hooked 43 00:01:59,703 --> 00:02:02,503 par la "Have You Met Team" pour www.forom.com 44 00:02:04,625 --> 00:02:06,709 - You have a boyfriend? - I know. 45 00:02:06,956 --> 00:02:08,878 So annoying, right? I mean, he's... 46 00:02:09,046 --> 00:02:10,671 not really my boyfriend. 47 00:02:11,368 --> 00:02:12,548 - Good. - I mean, 48 00:02:12,716 --> 00:02:14,258 technically, he kind of is. 49 00:02:14,740 --> 00:02:16,093 Well, is he or isn't he? 50 00:02:16,409 --> 00:02:17,559 Some of both, 51 00:02:17,792 --> 00:02:19,346 but definitely not either. 52 00:02:19,753 --> 00:02:21,182 Are you getting any of this? 53 00:02:23,208 --> 00:02:24,852 I really like you. 54 00:02:25,274 --> 00:02:27,274 I just need you to be patient. 55 00:02:27,697 --> 00:02:30,297 I don't want to lose you, Big Brown Eyes. 56 00:02:34,059 --> 00:02:36,859 Somebody doesn't want to lose Big Brown Eyes. 57 00:02:39,146 --> 00:02:40,946 She's got you on the hook. 58 00:02:41,071 --> 00:02:42,828 What? I'm not on the hook. 59 00:02:43,363 --> 00:02:45,081 You are totally on the hook. 60 00:02:45,249 --> 00:02:48,028 She's stringing you along, but she's not committing to you, 61 00:02:48,153 --> 00:02:50,819 but she's keeping you around just in case, like an 62 00:02:50,944 --> 00:02:52,994 old can of chili in the pantry. 63 00:02:53,542 --> 00:02:56,274 Who's buying canned chili and not eating it immediately? 64 00:02:56,399 --> 00:02:57,549 Amen, sister. 65 00:02:59,262 --> 00:03:02,061 Don't feel bad. We've all been there. I've been on both sides of it. 66 00:03:02,186 --> 00:03:04,892 I've been a hookey and a hooker. Move past it, guys. 67 00:03:05,314 --> 00:03:08,145 I've been a little bit loose, but money never changed hands. 68 00:03:09,231 --> 00:03:10,898 I've been on the hook. 69 00:03:11,066 --> 00:03:12,166 Lisa Walker. 70 00:03:12,572 --> 00:03:14,447 Picture it... 1994, 71 00:03:15,077 --> 00:03:16,445 St. Cloud, Minnesota. 72 00:03:17,441 --> 00:03:19,604 So I was, like, thinking, Lisa, 73 00:03:21,450 --> 00:03:23,076 do you maybe want to, 74 00:03:23,577 --> 00:03:24,954 like, go out with me? 75 00:03:26,192 --> 00:03:27,414 That sounds great. 76 00:03:28,417 --> 00:03:31,226 But I'm sort of seeing this guy. He's got a LeBaron convertible 77 00:03:31,351 --> 00:03:34,338 and an "in" at the roller rink, so, I'd hate to burn that bridge. 78 00:03:36,470 --> 00:03:37,620 I understand. 79 00:03:38,888 --> 00:03:40,261 But how about this? 80 00:03:40,429 --> 00:03:43,347 You could be my secret boyfriend who does all my homework for me. 81 00:03:46,652 --> 00:03:47,652 A'ight. 82 00:03:49,104 --> 00:03:50,938 You want to see my rap poster? 83 00:03:51,758 --> 00:03:52,962 Poster whore. 84 00:03:53,785 --> 00:03:55,469 Anyway... Lisa Walker 85 00:03:55,931 --> 00:03:58,716 strung me along for months until one night, 86 00:03:59,404 --> 00:04:02,032 I went to go tell her how much I loved her. 87 00:04:03,201 --> 00:04:04,285 In song. 88 00:04:06,088 --> 00:04:08,238 She wasn't home yet, so I waited. 89 00:04:10,938 --> 00:04:11,988 And waited. 90 00:04:14,530 --> 00:04:17,280 I woke up four hours later, covered in snow. 91 00:04:17,802 --> 00:04:19,216 And that's when I saw it. 92 00:04:21,365 --> 00:04:22,715 Lisa's footsteps. 93 00:04:23,175 --> 00:04:26,125 She had walked right over me and into the house. 94 00:04:27,559 --> 00:04:30,769 It was the best thing that could have happened. It got me off her hook. 95 00:04:30,937 --> 00:04:34,857 That's definitely not what's going on with me and Tiffany. Listen to this. 96 00:04:35,407 --> 00:04:37,985 I'm really into you. 97 00:04:39,237 --> 00:04:41,597 I just can't be with you right now. 98 00:04:45,497 --> 00:04:48,787 "Right no" is the classic on-the-hook catchphrase. 99 00:04:48,955 --> 00:04:51,864 "Right now" paints a picture of some sort of magical future time 100 00:04:51,989 --> 00:04:55,586 when everything will work out, but the truth is, that will never happen. 101 00:04:56,118 --> 00:04:58,568 It's like this. "I can't be with you." 102 00:04:59,854 --> 00:05:00,954 "Right now." 103 00:05:05,347 --> 00:05:07,517 I think my high school boyfriend Scooter is still 104 00:05:07,642 --> 00:05:09,612 - sort of on the hook for me. - Sort of? 105 00:05:09,737 --> 00:05:13,395 He totally is. The poor guy showed up at our wedding hoping to win you back. 106 00:05:14,856 --> 00:05:17,012 It's still sometimes weird when I see him at work. 107 00:05:17,137 --> 00:05:18,187 Wait. What? 108 00:05:19,117 --> 00:05:22,071 Scooter works in the school cafeteria. We've talked about this. 109 00:05:23,366 --> 00:05:25,236 Nice dress. Tater-tots? 110 00:05:29,830 --> 00:05:32,081 We most certainly have not talked about this! 111 00:05:32,206 --> 00:05:34,969 Yes, we have. I've mentioned it tons of times. 112 00:05:35,094 --> 00:05:36,644 "Lunch Lady Scooter." 113 00:05:36,991 --> 00:05:39,672 I thought that you were referring to some sort of long 114 00:05:39,840 --> 00:05:43,844 overdue device that carries around those poor, under appreciated lunch ladies! 115 00:05:44,683 --> 00:05:46,183 This explains a lot. 116 00:05:46,901 --> 00:05:49,501 Lunch Lady Scooter was there again today. 117 00:05:50,148 --> 00:05:52,848 Did you jump on that thing? Give it a ride? 118 00:05:54,062 --> 00:05:56,946 Really? If it were me, I'd be riding that scooter all day long 119 00:05:57,071 --> 00:05:59,066 until I broke that thang in half. 120 00:06:00,443 --> 00:06:02,653 So those poor women still have to walk everywhere? 121 00:06:03,780 --> 00:06:06,380 Wait. Scooter is working at your school?! 122 00:06:06,719 --> 00:06:08,019 Are you jealous? 123 00:06:08,599 --> 00:06:10,993 I just feel bad for Scooter. Cause the only reason 124 00:06:11,118 --> 00:06:13,622 he took that job is he thinks he has a shot with you. 125 00:06:13,790 --> 00:06:16,818 You have to make it clear that he doesn't, so that he can move on 126 00:06:16,943 --> 00:06:19,809 and a real lunch lady can get her job back. Damn! 127 00:06:19,934 --> 00:06:20,984 I've tried. 128 00:06:23,258 --> 00:06:26,049 I saw you had seventh period free. So do I. 129 00:06:26,517 --> 00:06:28,137 You want to run away together? 130 00:06:28,911 --> 00:06:30,661 Let me be clear, Scooter. 131 00:06:31,142 --> 00:06:34,481 There is no way you and I can ever be together. 132 00:06:43,454 --> 00:06:45,821 - Right now. - I'll see you tomorrow. 133 00:06:46,288 --> 00:06:47,614 It's Tijuana Tuesday. 134 00:06:49,495 --> 00:06:50,595 "Right now"? 135 00:06:51,760 --> 00:06:53,162 You right-now'd Scooter? 136 00:06:54,456 --> 00:06:56,741 You need to let Scooter off the hook once and for all. 137 00:06:56,866 --> 00:06:59,729 You're right. Day after tomorrow, that's exactly what I'm going to do. 138 00:06:59,854 --> 00:07:01,204 Why not tomorrow? 139 00:07:01,698 --> 00:07:03,905 I can't ruin Tijuana Tuesday. 140 00:07:06,176 --> 00:07:07,176 Really? 141 00:07:07,344 --> 00:07:10,092 You're really going to sit here all night watching the door 142 00:07:10,217 --> 00:07:12,806 because Tiffany said she'll "try to stop by"? 143 00:07:13,491 --> 00:07:15,324 I'm not gonna just give up on her. 144 00:07:15,449 --> 00:07:17,449 I should have given up on her. 145 00:07:18,174 --> 00:07:19,724 This girl is special. 146 00:07:20,005 --> 00:07:21,405 She was the devil. 147 00:07:22,590 --> 00:07:24,725 Things are going to work out with Tiffany. 148 00:07:24,850 --> 00:07:26,600 No, they're not, dumbass. 149 00:07:27,743 --> 00:07:29,175 Ted, let me be clear. 150 00:07:29,300 --> 00:07:30,870 This girl is a poison 151 00:07:30,995 --> 00:07:33,535 and you need to cut her out of your life forever. 152 00:07:35,905 --> 00:07:36,997 There she is. 153 00:07:40,001 --> 00:07:41,794 She brought some of her coworkers. 154 00:07:45,928 --> 00:07:47,174 Hang on to this girl. 155 00:07:48,043 --> 00:07:49,843 Hang on to her and never let go! 156 00:07:56,679 --> 00:08:00,145 These are some of the hottest girls I've ever seen. They all work with Tiffany? 157 00:08:01,691 --> 00:08:04,491 There could only be one explanation for this. 158 00:08:06,262 --> 00:08:07,662 Is Tiffany a ph... 159 00:08:07,787 --> 00:08:09,537 pharmaceutical sales rep? 160 00:08:10,671 --> 00:08:14,535 - How did you know that? - And you never thought to mention that? 161 00:08:14,918 --> 00:08:16,370 What? It's just a job. 162 00:08:17,642 --> 00:08:18,722 Just a j... 163 00:08:18,948 --> 00:08:20,133 just a jah... 164 00:08:22,574 --> 00:08:23,800 Throughout time 165 00:08:23,925 --> 00:08:26,405 there has always been one cutting-edge profession 166 00:08:26,530 --> 00:08:28,975 to which hot girls, like Tiffany, have flocked. 167 00:08:29,100 --> 00:08:31,969 - Shall I walk you through the history? - I'm gonna explicitly say no. 168 00:08:32,137 --> 00:08:34,972 It all started 2.5 million years ago. 169 00:08:35,862 --> 00:08:37,212 Man was a hunter. 170 00:08:37,587 --> 00:08:40,887 So, the hottest profession of the day? Gatherer. 171 00:08:41,701 --> 00:08:43,522 Homo erectus indeed. 172 00:08:46,858 --> 00:08:48,742 As man mastered technology, 173 00:08:48,867 --> 00:08:50,932 the hottest profession of the day evolved. 174 00:08:51,057 --> 00:08:54,157 I'm pretty sure it's a hernia. Can you check again? 175 00:08:57,890 --> 00:09:00,256 And then, man took to the skies. 176 00:09:00,660 --> 00:09:04,042 And so, hot women put on high heels and became stewardesses. 177 00:09:06,086 --> 00:09:08,255 I am in the upright and locked position. 178 00:09:12,220 --> 00:09:14,686 And then man said, "Life is hard. 179 00:09:14,989 --> 00:09:17,389 I should start taking lots of prescription drugs." 180 00:09:17,665 --> 00:09:21,324 And so, hot girls rolled into doctors' offices, looking sexy enough 181 00:09:21,449 --> 00:09:24,396 to render the very erection pills they peddled ironically redundant. 182 00:09:24,911 --> 00:09:28,775 So now, pharma girls are today's hottest profession. 183 00:09:30,236 --> 00:09:32,571 Hey, Big Brown Eyes. How you doing? 184 00:09:33,266 --> 00:09:34,266 I'm good. 185 00:09:35,214 --> 00:09:38,160 Hey, by the way, you ditch that loser boyfriend yet? 186 00:09:38,410 --> 00:09:39,410 No, sir. 187 00:09:43,164 --> 00:09:44,464 Touched my nose. 188 00:09:45,996 --> 00:09:50,000 Ditch Tiffany and join the Barnacle in a pharma girl free-for-all. 189 00:09:50,294 --> 00:09:53,585 Side effects may include loss of clothing, rug burn, shortness of breath 190 00:09:53,710 --> 00:09:57,012 and sore abdominals the next morning. What in the world is up?! 191 00:10:02,122 --> 00:10:05,354 I know that you've been having trouble letting Scooter off the hook. 192 00:10:05,786 --> 00:10:08,409 I decided what you need is practice. Now, you say 193 00:10:08,534 --> 00:10:10,442 the problem is his cute, sad eyes? 194 00:10:19,924 --> 00:10:22,496 All right, shut it, woman. Now, I want you 195 00:10:22,621 --> 00:10:24,421 to look at this teacup pig 196 00:10:24,651 --> 00:10:28,126 and tell him that there's no way that you could ever be with him. 197 00:10:31,487 --> 00:10:32,537 Teacup Pig, 198 00:10:33,687 --> 00:10:35,158 there is no way 199 00:10:35,434 --> 00:10:37,219 I can ever be with you. 200 00:10:46,054 --> 00:10:48,593 - Right now. - Come on! Grow a pair! 201 00:10:48,718 --> 00:10:49,918 I'm sorry, but 202 00:10:50,608 --> 00:10:52,458 he's just so freakin' cute. 203 00:10:52,842 --> 00:10:55,167 I just want to cuddle him all day long. 204 00:10:55,292 --> 00:10:57,030 - Yes, I do. - You know that's funny. 205 00:10:57,198 --> 00:10:59,897 I remember when you used to say things like that about me. 206 00:11:00,022 --> 00:11:01,118 I still do. 207 00:11:02,306 --> 00:11:03,406 Not as much. 208 00:11:04,908 --> 00:11:06,008 Not as much. 209 00:11:08,218 --> 00:11:10,210 Ain't no party like a pharma girl party 210 00:11:10,378 --> 00:11:12,305 Cause a pharma girl party don't stop! 211 00:11:12,430 --> 00:11:15,248 Dude, I have already hooked up with three of them. 212 00:11:15,373 --> 00:11:18,151 Fantasmo. Plus, my cholesterol is down. 213 00:11:18,276 --> 00:11:21,346 My restless legs syndrome is cured. I've never felt more alive. 214 00:11:22,793 --> 00:11:25,809 Guys, great news. Tiffany broke up with her boyfriend. 215 00:11:25,977 --> 00:11:29,577 - Proof that I'm not on the hook. - You're still on the hook. 216 00:11:30,018 --> 00:11:31,815 Listen to how we spent last night. 217 00:11:32,521 --> 00:11:34,026 First, we cuddled. 218 00:11:36,265 --> 00:11:37,265 Then, 219 00:11:37,455 --> 00:11:39,372 we shared chocolate cake. 220 00:11:40,533 --> 00:11:44,023 Then, well, I don't usually join in on locker room talk, 221 00:11:44,276 --> 00:11:46,788 but I gave her a pretty sensual... 222 00:11:46,956 --> 00:11:48,040 foot rub. 223 00:11:49,824 --> 00:11:53,024 And let me guess: it didn't go any further than that. 224 00:11:54,681 --> 00:11:56,489 - Well, no, but... - And tell me, 225 00:11:56,614 --> 00:11:59,134 did you by any chance make that chocolate cake? 226 00:12:01,034 --> 00:12:02,184 It was a mix. 227 00:12:02,905 --> 00:12:04,896 There's no shame in admitting it. 228 00:12:05,021 --> 00:12:08,935 We've all been on people's hooks and we've all kept someone on the hook. 229 00:12:09,730 --> 00:12:11,530 I most certainly have not. 230 00:12:12,348 --> 00:12:13,664 Are you joking? 231 00:12:13,941 --> 00:12:16,941 What about that girl from the university library? 232 00:12:17,066 --> 00:12:18,066 Henrietta? 233 00:12:18,283 --> 00:12:20,433 Henrietta and I are just friends. 234 00:12:20,638 --> 00:12:22,455 She is so on your hook. 235 00:12:22,580 --> 00:12:24,200 Absolutely not. 236 00:12:24,431 --> 00:12:26,534 She totally was. I mean... 237 00:12:27,976 --> 00:12:29,026 we cuddled. 238 00:12:31,620 --> 00:12:33,370 We shared chocolate cake. 239 00:12:35,975 --> 00:12:38,125 She gave me foot rubs, long ones. 240 00:12:38,838 --> 00:12:40,338 I'm not proud, kids. 241 00:12:41,160 --> 00:12:43,648 You like having Henrietta around for the same reason 242 00:12:43,773 --> 00:12:47,178 that Tiffany likes having you around, it's a nice little ego boost. 243 00:12:47,303 --> 00:12:50,399 No wonder you're such an expert about keeping people on the hook. 244 00:12:50,524 --> 00:12:52,912 What about that poor camera guy you work with? 245 00:12:53,037 --> 00:12:55,607 - Mike and I are just friends. - Come on. 246 00:12:58,836 --> 00:13:00,486 Yeah, that's the stuff. 247 00:13:01,377 --> 00:13:04,001 Have you ever thought about taking us to the next level? 248 00:13:04,126 --> 00:13:06,702 If you're talking about doing my laundry, I'm on board. 249 00:13:07,485 --> 00:13:09,185 You got yourself a deal. 250 00:13:10,286 --> 00:13:13,083 What?! I am not keeping Mike on the hook. 251 00:13:13,208 --> 00:13:14,758 You are Captain Hook. 252 00:13:15,109 --> 00:13:16,459 Dude, I'm a girl. 253 00:13:16,584 --> 00:13:19,148 Okay, our girl parts are like a spiderweb. 254 00:13:19,273 --> 00:13:22,065 Sometimes you're gonna catch stuff you don't want. 255 00:13:22,190 --> 00:13:23,976 That doesn't make it okay. 256 00:13:24,101 --> 00:13:27,403 And Henrietta is, in no way, wasting her time with you, right? 257 00:13:27,528 --> 00:13:31,139 Henrietta knows that we're just friends. In fact, I'm gonna call her up 258 00:13:31,264 --> 00:13:33,814 and hang out with her tonight as friends. 259 00:13:35,881 --> 00:13:38,536 I love you. What? Do you want a foot massage? 260 00:13:38,661 --> 00:13:40,610 'Cause I've been practicing on myself. 261 00:13:41,079 --> 00:13:42,229 No, I'm good. 262 00:13:43,116 --> 00:13:44,844 I didn't know if you were hungry, 263 00:13:44,969 --> 00:13:47,474 so I just threw together some... It's not a big deal. 264 00:13:47,599 --> 00:13:50,287 Kids, looking back, I don't know how I didn't see 265 00:13:50,455 --> 00:13:52,330 that Henrietta was madly in love with me. 266 00:13:58,171 --> 00:14:00,902 I'm going out of town this weekend for my friend's wedding. 267 00:14:01,027 --> 00:14:02,477 Want to be my date? 268 00:14:02,769 --> 00:14:05,177 I would love to. What are you doing right now? 269 00:14:07,180 --> 00:14:09,347 Awesome. I'll see you in, like, ten minutes? 270 00:14:10,133 --> 00:14:11,133 Great. 271 00:14:11,475 --> 00:14:13,755 Sorry, Henrietta, something came up. 272 00:14:13,880 --> 00:14:15,353 Take a rain check, pal? 273 00:14:15,849 --> 00:14:18,241 - Yeah, it's no problem. - All right, yeah. 274 00:14:18,366 --> 00:14:19,566 You're strong. 275 00:14:19,792 --> 00:14:20,892 What a jerk. 276 00:14:24,382 --> 00:14:27,699 Wait. Where did Ted go? I thought we were finally gonna get to meet him. 277 00:14:27,867 --> 00:14:29,817 Something came up, okay, Mom? 278 00:14:30,822 --> 00:14:33,772 - I told you there was no Ted. - I heard that. 279 00:14:38,948 --> 00:14:41,363 So there I was, at one of the surest signs 280 00:14:41,488 --> 00:14:43,621 of taking a relationship to the next level: 281 00:14:43,746 --> 00:14:45,217 an out-of-town wedding. 282 00:14:45,385 --> 00:14:46,844 It was finally happening. 283 00:14:46,969 --> 00:14:47,969 Champagne? 284 00:14:49,375 --> 00:14:50,889 I forgot to call you. 285 00:14:51,057 --> 00:14:54,312 Whatever it is you wanted to talk about, we can talk about it now. 286 00:14:55,853 --> 00:14:58,382 This is Jack. He's the best man at the wedding. 287 00:14:58,507 --> 00:15:00,307 We just got back together. 288 00:15:00,817 --> 00:15:03,652 Now that I think about it, a phone call would have been nice. 289 00:15:04,374 --> 00:15:05,424 You're Ted? 290 00:15:07,079 --> 00:15:09,282 But I hear you make a mean chocolate cake. 291 00:15:12,412 --> 00:15:13,662 Isn't he great? 292 00:15:14,205 --> 00:15:15,655 And he's in a band. 293 00:15:17,035 --> 00:15:18,035 Thanks. 294 00:15:19,127 --> 00:15:22,420 Come on, Lily. You have to get Scooter off the hook. Now, try again. 295 00:15:23,629 --> 00:15:24,779 Teacup Pig... 296 00:15:26,836 --> 00:15:28,385 I don't want to be with you. 297 00:15:36,563 --> 00:15:38,213 - Right now. - Man up! 298 00:15:40,200 --> 00:15:41,350 Teacup Pig... 299 00:15:43,964 --> 00:15:45,527 I don't want to be with you. 300 00:15:50,908 --> 00:15:51,908 Ever. 301 00:15:52,251 --> 00:15:53,285 Finish him! 302 00:15:53,453 --> 00:15:55,704 We will never be together 303 00:15:55,829 --> 00:15:58,957 - in any sort of sexual way ever again. - Nice. 304 00:16:00,445 --> 00:16:02,961 - Sorta weird thing to say to a pig. - It felt really wrong. 305 00:16:05,173 --> 00:16:07,883 Anyway, I just don't think you and I are going to work. 306 00:16:08,967 --> 00:16:09,968 Right now. 307 00:16:10,554 --> 00:16:12,119 And that's when it hit me. 308 00:16:12,244 --> 00:16:13,644 I was on the hook. 309 00:16:13,769 --> 00:16:14,973 I also realized... 310 00:16:15,609 --> 00:16:17,509 I missed this so much, baby. 311 00:16:17,634 --> 00:16:20,645 Tiffany was on this guy's hook. It was a vicious cycle. 312 00:16:20,813 --> 00:16:23,145 Henrietta was on my hook. And years later, 313 00:16:23,270 --> 00:16:25,817 I found out this poor bastard was on Henrietta's hook. 314 00:16:29,390 --> 00:16:30,614 You know what? 315 00:16:30,968 --> 00:16:33,033 We're not gonna work... ever. 316 00:16:34,368 --> 00:16:35,368 I'm done. 317 00:16:39,138 --> 00:16:41,249 And it's really better for the circulation 318 00:16:41,374 --> 00:16:44,002 if you knead the arches with your thumbs. Now, I'm done. 319 00:16:48,262 --> 00:16:51,134 - I can do this by myself. - Okay, well, then prove it. 320 00:16:52,428 --> 00:16:53,428 And... 321 00:16:54,710 --> 00:16:56,110 grab me a pudding. 322 00:16:59,227 --> 00:17:00,677 Listen up, Scooter. 323 00:17:01,020 --> 00:17:03,855 There is no way you and I will ever be together. 324 00:17:11,906 --> 00:17:12,906 Right now! 325 00:17:13,233 --> 00:17:16,096 - I'm sorry, but he's adorable. - Listen. 326 00:17:16,702 --> 00:17:18,787 - I don't want to be with you. - Right now. 327 00:17:18,955 --> 00:17:21,289 Hang in there. I'm not going to live forever. 328 00:17:22,931 --> 00:17:26,397 Last night I was with this pharma girl who was so hot, you should call a doctor 329 00:17:26,522 --> 00:17:29,214 if you don't have an erection for more than four hours. 330 00:17:29,382 --> 00:17:30,832 Am I right, people? 331 00:17:31,676 --> 00:17:34,803 There's no people. Just the girl you most recently dated. 332 00:17:37,723 --> 00:17:39,891 I want you to meet the newest pharma girl. 333 00:17:41,543 --> 00:17:43,224 Nice to make your acquaintance. 334 00:17:43,349 --> 00:17:46,314 I represent statins and other cholesterol-lowering drugs. 335 00:17:47,358 --> 00:17:49,958 Come on, girl. Let's go get our drink on. 336 00:17:52,353 --> 00:17:53,405 It's over. 337 00:17:53,573 --> 00:17:54,656 What's over? 338 00:17:55,717 --> 00:17:58,767 Pharma girls are no longer exclusively hot chicks. 339 00:17:59,318 --> 00:18:02,372 - It's the end of an era. - You're being a little dramatic. 340 00:18:02,540 --> 00:18:03,540 Am I? 341 00:18:04,079 --> 00:18:05,902 It starts out with a Gladys. 342 00:18:06,027 --> 00:18:09,337 Next thing you know, a few not so-fabulous gay guys enter the ranks. 343 00:18:09,505 --> 00:18:12,900 And before you know it, pharma girls look like the crew 344 00:18:13,025 --> 00:18:16,275 on a Southwest flight from Albuquerque to Little Rock. 345 00:18:17,102 --> 00:18:18,102 It's over! 346 00:18:20,389 --> 00:18:22,595 So that night, I went straight to Henrietta's 347 00:18:22,720 --> 00:18:24,820 all set to let her off the hook. 348 00:18:33,973 --> 00:18:36,489 This is Jack. He's the best man at the wedding. 349 00:18:41,279 --> 00:18:42,279 I'm done. 350 00:18:48,461 --> 00:18:50,336 The answer is yes! 351 00:18:54,483 --> 00:18:55,508 It gets worse. 352 00:18:56,225 --> 00:18:57,375 It's perfect! 353 00:18:57,584 --> 00:18:59,896 Mom, Dad! Ted proposed! 354 00:19:01,523 --> 00:19:03,373 I knew this day would come! 355 00:19:03,769 --> 00:19:05,810 - Son! - Yeah, there's been a... 356 00:19:07,538 --> 00:19:08,838 What did you do? 357 00:19:09,832 --> 00:19:12,017 I seriously considered just 358 00:19:12,142 --> 00:19:14,152 marrying her out of sheer awkwardness. 359 00:19:15,154 --> 00:19:17,942 But I did what I had to do. I did what anyone 360 00:19:18,067 --> 00:19:20,276 keeping someone on the hook should do. 361 00:19:20,401 --> 00:19:21,576 I broke her heart. 362 00:19:22,543 --> 00:19:25,830 Henrietta, I'm sorry if this is blunt, but I think I owe you this. 363 00:19:27,720 --> 00:19:29,620 I don't want to be with you. 364 00:19:30,669 --> 00:19:31,669 Right now? 365 00:19:33,214 --> 00:19:34,214 Ever. 366 00:19:36,440 --> 00:19:38,760 But we're still getting married, right? 367 00:19:39,398 --> 00:19:41,340 It was brutal. 368 00:19:42,598 --> 00:19:43,948 I'm sorry, buddy. 369 00:19:44,195 --> 00:19:48,186 Honesty is tough, but in the end, it is the far kinder alternative. 370 00:19:55,229 --> 00:19:57,195 I have to tell you something. 371 00:19:58,673 --> 00:20:01,074 - Wait. Did you finish my delicates? - Got one more load. 372 00:20:01,562 --> 00:20:02,662 It can wait. 373 00:20:13,889 --> 00:20:15,046 How's it going? 374 00:20:15,214 --> 00:20:18,464 Still in mourning over the end of the pharma girl era? 375 00:20:18,589 --> 00:20:20,669 I realized that their reign had to end 376 00:20:20,794 --> 00:20:23,644 to make room for some new hot girl profession. 377 00:20:23,769 --> 00:20:24,969 Maybe it'll be 378 00:20:25,559 --> 00:20:28,422 intergalactic communications officer on a rocket ship 379 00:20:28,547 --> 00:20:31,847 to some distant solar system we can't possibly imagine. 380 00:20:32,174 --> 00:20:33,524 Maybe it'll be... 381 00:20:33,649 --> 00:20:35,483 meter maids. We just don't know. 382 00:20:36,819 --> 00:20:38,419 But one thing is sure. 383 00:20:39,295 --> 00:20:41,119 The future glows 384 00:20:41,610 --> 00:20:43,687 like a giant sun 385 00:20:44,041 --> 00:20:47,993 shooting amber rays of light into our hearts and minds. 386 00:20:50,989 --> 00:20:52,458 What changed your mind? 387 00:20:52,626 --> 00:20:55,295 The realization that hope springs eternal. 388 00:20:56,714 --> 00:21:00,490 That and this little bottle of purple pills I found in my couch cushion. 389 00:21:00,797 --> 00:21:03,697 Don't know what they are, but they are amazing!